Turning Goodbye into Hello
When people who have been frustrated for years announce that they are ending a relationship, it can prompt their partner to act in desperate ways. Partners may promise to change, beg for another chance, and try to convince spouses to stay. Although it may look as though people who are ardently pursuing have changed, they may actually be continuing a pattern of trying to control by discounting their spouse’s desire to separate. It would be far more out of character, and therefore more meaningful, if they were to:
Relationship crises can become opportunities to change destructive interaction patterns by taking some of the following steps:
WHEN YOU ARE THINKING OF LEAVING
Deciding whether or not to end a relationship is just as hard as being left. Although you may be very dissatisfied or wonder if you have any love left, you may be reluctant to really make a break. Tormenting yourself over whether or not to continue the relationship may interfere with looking at the changes you need to make in yourself. Don’t count on a new partner to take away any underlying insecurity you might have. Before making the final decision to stay or leave, consider the following:
See Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis (Simon & Schuster, 1992) for additional ideas.